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10 Sexist Remarks We Women Tend To Ignore (But Shouldn't!)




Sexism is not welcome!

10 Sexist Remarks We Women Tend To Ignore (But Shouldn't!)


This post has been long due...

Every now and then I come across a sexist remark, sometimes intentional, sometimes not and it makes want to write about it... But life happens, I push the remark to the back burner just the way we are conditioned to in order to prevent a confrontation or more likely to "free" our minds for more "important" things and hence the "writing" never happens... 



But not today...

Sexism rears its ugly head in all kinds of forms ranging from physically or emotionally violent to something so subtle that one is sometimes not sure if to take offense or not. The latter often leads to us "choosing" to ignore such remarks and this probably is the biggest mistake we do...

I think a lot of times women for the fear of being branded a feminist by her male friends/colleagues/relatives choose to overlook little sexist remarks resulting in making the speaker believe that it is ok to say what he or she said. Unless and until we speak up about such gender prejudiced notions we cannot expect the "society" to change, the same society that we very conveniently like to blame for all things not right...


Feminism today is getting a lot of focus through media and social media and that is proving to be detrimental. When a word is rarely used, one reaches out to the dictionary (or Google) to find the exact meaning of the word. On the other hand when a word is used loosely and in some cases colloquially, its meaning is reduced to something that is left to open interpretation...

Because of this, Feminism is often misunderstood to be a dirty word where people often misconstrue it to be a movement to prove women are better than men while that's not the least bit true... Feminism aims at gender equality PERIOD.

I come across chauvinistic remarks almost on a daily basis and I believe that most of us do. My "favorite" of the lot that irk me to no extent are listed below:

1. You have such dedication towards work even though you are married

In all honesty, this was supposed to be a compliment from one of my colleagues who is a good friend and I know he didn't mean any harm when he said it...
However, the very fact that because I am a woman, my dedication towards my work is judged based on a filter that I am married or not is something  that annoys me to no extent. I mean how is it that my ability to perform at my workplace is judged based on my marital status? It is as baffling as relating one's competency in a sport with a class they take in college...
Imagine someone complementing you saying "Wow! You swim so well even though you are an Accounts student!" 

2. You got "Promoted" to a "Pro" Level Court at your Tennis Academy cause you are pretty!

A very good friend's husband once said this to me... This is probably the most infuriatingly chauvinistic comment someone has ever said to me and it makes me wonder if people even think before they speak. The fact that he thought my outer appearance, which may be inline with the society's idea of what looks good actually has a higher bearing over my performance, my talent or my skill simply makes me want to shake my head in disbelief and silently lament at the fact that we still have a long way to go in terms of gender equality.

By highlighting a feature that he thinks is more important than anything else in a woman ends up belittling the effort, hard work and energy I had put in to learn and excel at something. Imagine telling Djokovic that he is World Number 2 in men's singles because he looks cute or relegate Nadal's performance to him being good looking! Unfair isn't it?

3. I feel sorry for her because she took a vacation abroad without her husband


This remark was something that made me sit up, literally... Not just because it was said by a close relative but also because I asked myself in bewilderment "Who thinks like that?"... I know when you are a couple, people expect you to be seen together but seriously though it's not like spouses are joined at the hip really! However, what really takes away the cake is the "pity" someone felt for me because I decided to take a trip with my sister instead of my husband. Are we known and should be known by our better halves only? Do we not have our own identities? Are we "allowed" to enjoy a vacation ONLY with our husbands? Does my baby sister not hold any importance in my life anymore just because I am now married?
What's next? You'll feel sorry for me because I went to buy groceries without my husband?

4. Why wait for your salary, you can ask your husband to buy you xyz!

OMG! This is probably one statement that is "thrown" at me every now and then by men and women alike. Whenever I have a conversation about something new in the market, be it a makeup product, an electronic gadget or even a home decor item and looking at the price tag I mention that I probably would need to wait for my next paycheck to be able to afford it, at least 8 times out of 10 I have people point out that I can ask my husband to buy it for me...

Ummmmm... So basically husbands don't need to wait for paychecks, they just imagine it and the money is credited to their accounts! Talk about technology! On a serious note, no, my husband doesn't have a money plant let alone a tree and he too waits for paychecks just as I do... Let us just stop pressurizing men in having to believe that they have to "provide" for all our needs, frivolous or otherwise...

5. You are 30+ already, have a baby, career can wait

This just makes me want to scream and tell people that stop judging my being a woman on the basis of me birthing a baby! Why is it supposed to be the epitome of womanhood? Why is it so difficult to comprehend that giving more importance to one's career can also be a priority for some women... Why is it automatically expected of a woman to rank having kids higher than nurturing her career? I have never seen people have the same expectations from men...
Traditionally, men have always been the provider while women have been the nurturer, however, things have changed over time and both genders have the freedom (to some extent) to choose their priorities in life. I truly believe that society needs to let go of traditional views and deem it ok for a man or a woman to choose a baby, a career or both...

6. You have employed a cook? Doesn't your husband like home cooked food?

Before you point out the obvious lack of logic in the statement above, let me tell you that I often get this remark from the women I know... And instead of pointing out that home cooked food is actually food cooked at home irrespective of anybody cooking it, I simply make a pained expression and say "My husband gets really tired when he gets back from work and so he decided to get a cook instead of cooking himself"... The expression on people's faces vary from shock to dismay to utter bewilderment.


Some "well-wishing" ladies admonish me for letting my husband cook, some smirk hinting how they believe that role reversals in society is a complete no-no and some even "congratulate" me that I have been able to "tame" my guy... JUDGEMENT...

In reality we as a couple understand that neither of us are interested in cooking or are even decent cooks and in order to avoid having to eat out everyday as it can get very expensive (#4 both of us wait for our paychecks remember?), we decided to hire someone to cook for us...

P.S. I tried telling people that I am a bad cook but they simply pooh-poohed it as an excuse. They had the audacity to tell me that if I can learn to do makeup watching makeup videos then I should learn cooking watching cooking videos... 
I had no heart to tell them that my makeup experiments are on me but it wont be right to put my husband through my cooking experiments, after all he has never done anything to deserve such a punishment!

7. Are you sure you can drive us to the airport?

This was an innocent remark by a little girl a little while ago and it stuck in my head ever since... The backstory is that we were supposed to drop her and a couple of our friends to the airport in one of our guy friends' car when we realized that they had a lot more luggage than we anticipated... So it was decided that we'd take two cars, his and mine...
When the little girl realized that she was supposed to travel in my car she very innocently inquired if I will indeed be able to drive them...

I did not take offense because I know she was being honest with her incredulity but what I realized was that feminism is something needs to be inculcated from early on, it cannot be taught it needs to be practiced for little children to "absorb" the concept of gender equality. They need to be exposed to the fact that nothing is a male-only or a female-only domain, both genders are equipped and skilled to take on any role they please...


A steering wheel of a car doesn't care if the hand on it has nail polish on or not #JustStatingTheObvious

8. I think feminists are irrationally aggressive women

If you knew how frustrating it was for women to have to prove themselves every 2 hours in a day for mundane tasks like driving, being technically qualified or for being economically independent, you'd realize that the "aggression" was not enough...
Enough said!

9. You have not taken your husband's surname?

People's obsession with a woman's surname is interesting and totally beyond my comprehension... Whether she chooses to keep her father's surname, take her husband's surname or adopt a hyphenated mixture of both surnames is her prerogative and should not be dictated or judged by the society.
A lot of this "judgement" is by other women and its frustrating enough when the opposite sex is being sexist but when your own team out there is jeopardizing womankind's shot at gender equality, it is doubly infuriating...

10. Wearing so much makeup at work is inappropriate

Excuse me?


How does my lipstick hinder you from performing at work mister? How does my blush stop you from focusing on the presentation lady? These are some questions that I want to ask every time someone lectures me about makeup at work or gives my pink lipstick an incredulous look at the cafeteria. As long as I am not violating any policy I don't think women should be judged about either their sartorial choices or their makeup... If men don't raise eyebrows when they wear shorts at work (no dress code workplaces anyone?) then women (heck! even men) with glossy lips or a smokey eye should not be scrutinized.

Have you experienced sexism in any form? Do share through your comments...

P.S. I know my blog is about beauty and makeup but it is also an outlet for my emotions... My blog holds testimony of my growth as not only a makeup enthusiast but as a woman of the world... Feminism and Sexism are two things that I feel very strongly about and I use my blog as a medium to connect with other women who are on the same page as I am where these two words are concerned.

Comments

  1. I definitely relate to alot of these comments....just yesterday a team member mentioned how easy it is for a girl to buy expensive gadget because their husbands or fathers are there to bear the expense...5 minutes into the conversation and he admitted how his father supports him on most months as his expenses exceed his salary which left me wondering if he is just sexist or stupid. I think people use gender and sexism to justify what they feel are privileges women supposedly enjoy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I totally agree with you Aparajita about the way it acts as a justification for the how they "feel" about the privileges women supposedly "enjoy"... We really need to change how its deemed so...

      Delete
  2. Prajakta TanksaleJune 7, 2017 at 4:10 PM

    I can relate to almost all of your points! Esp the cook and surname part. Wonderfully written. Husband being too tired to cook- cracked me up like anything :D.
    Love you!

    ReplyDelete

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