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Coffee Breaks with ISLM: #MyChoice and My Take On It (Vogue Empower Video)





 

Coffee Breaks with ISLM: #MyChoice and What My Take Is On It


So everyone's talking about it... if you haven't yet watched then I'd suggest you to do so... Just google 'Vogue Empower Video Deepika Padukone My Choice' and you'll be directed to the video... I'd recommend watching the video multiple times on different days...






Yeah the video is like that...

The video is the kind that you initially either LOVE or you just HATE... But multiple views of the video will guarantee that you have a different viewpoint every single time... At least that's what it did to me...

Needless to say I don't know if I like it or don't... Initially I didn't... I didn't like it because of a couple of things that also put off a lot of people... The reference to 'Sex Outside Marriage' was something that put me off and then I realised that I was off, way off!
The unbelievably gorgeous hair flying about, Deepika's super hot collarbone... Everything was so not something that we relate with oppressed women and hence it didn't make sense to me, the video made no sense...

Plus of course the whole world was booing the video and it corroborated my views.

Then... I watched the video again!

And again!

And again!

And I realised that I may be misconstruing everything in my mind...

'To Have Sex Outside of Marriage'

This was perhaps the most boo-ed statement in the whole video... When Deepika says 'to have sex before marriage, to have sex outside of marriage, to not have sex, #MyChoice', people immediately had daggers at her saying that she was condoning adultery...
But say the phrase again... Sex Outside of Marriage also means having sex without being married...

This is probably a huge example of what she said in the beginning of her video...

Your Mind Is Caged, Let It Free...

'Don't Be Upset When I Come Home At 4:00 am'

A lot of people claimed that why shouldn't anyone be upset if someone comes home at 4:00 am... Its not right for a man or a woman... But we forget that people may come home really late at night and it doesn't always have to be from a party... I have come home to my husband at 4:00 am because I have had to stay late at work... He understood... He comes home late from work and I understand...
It's my choice if I decide to stay late at office and finish my work or not...
It's my choice if I decide to work night shifts...

I may be wrong, but if you listen to this phrase in the complete sentence, it says...
'Don't be upset when I come home at 4:00 am, don't be fooled when I come home at 6:00 pm'... It takes a completely different context... It simply says, just because I may come home at 4:00 am (I may work night shifts) I am not immoral and just because I come home by 6:00 pm everyday, I may not really be a "good girl"... Don't let my (work) timings fool you... Don't judge me by the hours I put in at work...

Your Mind Is Caged, Let It Free...

'I am the snowflake not the snowfall'

A lot of people including Shobha De have claimed to not understand what this really means and I am appalled at the lack of this understanding... Reading the phrase in the complete sentence again,
'I am the tree, not the forest... I am the snowflake not the snowfall... You are the snowflake'...
It simply means I am an individual, don't generalize about me...

Every snowflake is unique structurally and pattern-wise (scientifically speaking) and that's what Deepika says, I am a snowflake, you are a snowflake, we are all unique...
Was that so hard to understand?

Your Mind Is Caged, Let It Free...

My Final Thoughts

When we think of Women's Empowerment, we generally tend to think of women in Rural India... We forget and sometimes choose to ignore that women are oppressed everywhere even in respectable, middle-class and upper middle class families... And I think this video is directed more towards the so called educated middle class families...
Some of us are extremely lucky to have a marriage of equals to be born in families that genuinely treat us equally but I know many who are not... My colleagues, friends, acquaintances and even in my relations I know women who don't get to say #MyChoice even for the smallest of things like what vegetable to cook for dinner...
I know of people who don't get to say #MyChoice when they want to cut their hair short but their husbands want them to keep it longer...

This video is extremely relevant for the urban Indian society where what time a daughter-in-law comes back from work is a topic to discuss and eventually judge by the neighborhood aunties during their kitty parties held at 5 Star Hotels. Its #HerChoice which shift she opts for.

This video is extremely relevant for the upper-middle-class where what a daughter wears to go out with friends becomes a discussion by the neighbors including their daughters... Its #HerChoice what she wears.

This video is extremely relevant for the educated, modern families where a daughter isn't married even though she is past 30 years and rumours start making the rounds  about what could be 'wrong' with her... Its #HerChoice when she decides to marry if at all.

This video is extremely relevant for the understanding and supportive families whose daughters may want to have relations with women and the well meaning relatives, neighbors and all and sundry smirk and give 'advise' to the parents... Its #HerChoice about her orientation.

This video is extremely relevant to the educated families who still look for "fair" and "homely" brides for their NRI sons.

This video is extremely relevant for the modern, metro-city based high-powered working couple where the wife wants to retain her father's surname and not use her husband's surname at all but the husband resents it... Its #HerChoice how she wants to be known as.

This video is also extremely relevant for the modern, metro-city based high-powered working couple where the wife wants to take up her husband's surname and not mention her maiden surname at all but her 'feminist' friends resent it... Its #HerChoice how she wants to be known as.

Finally, I think Deepika's 'blowing in the wind' hair symbolizes the freeing of minds, uncaging of ideas, not confirming to norms and breaking the stereotypes... I mean afterall who said that videos on women's empowerment could not be portrayed by glamorous women?

Your Mind Is Caged, Let It Free...

I know this article of mine can cook up a horrendous controversy but as always I open to your ideas and the way you perceive this video...
Do share your views through the comments section...

Comments

  1. I too was taking it negatively but then this post of yours came. You got their meaning gal. Its easy to misunderstand but it takes a hell lot of effort to understand. Hats off.

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  2. I think you got it perfectly right Suma..reading your perspective, I look at it now in a different way. Thanks for the post :)

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  3. I was being bashed for supporting It. Sharing it. This is a great answer for HooteRs. Hope they all read it and understand the meaning behind.

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  4. I was being bashed for supporting It. Sharing it. This is a great answer for HooteRs. Hope they all read it and understand the meaning behind.

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  5. So correctly written down by u

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  6. beautifully interpreted. Poetic licence is that the maker has used.. The way you have interpreted it one way of looking it, for sure..

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  7. Suma, you have beautifully interpreted what i feel. Why was everyone so negative about the sex outside of marriage thingy?Open up your minds, it doesn't necessarily mean adultery; they should look at it in another view which is exactly what you have said. And the part about my choice of having a child, not all husbands will sit own and talk nor listen if you as a woman don't want a child. I know how it feels to go through pregnancy, looking after day and night and i know its easy to say its supposed to be 50-50 duty but some men including highly educated, tolerant, understanding husband who you might have known 10 years before marriage can break down and let the stress of looking after a baby break the relationship. So yes, 80-90% decision lies with woman in my opinion when it comes to child bearing. I'm happy you had the guts and intelligence to write what you wrote coz I was disappointed with another beauty blog which i was following which just bashed Deepika and this video because of the sex outside marriage statement. Keep up the good work.

    S

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  8. hnestly, I didn't even understand why was there so much of a controversy when it simply was a video saying #MyChoice. Well, everyone is entitled to their choices and live by them and the consequences.
    surely, you brought out the perspective of the sex outside marriage beautifully :) hopefully, it gives everyone a different view point. also, women empowerment just is not limited to rural women, it exists very much in urban lifestyles as well. the language is a little subtle. a taunt here and a comment there and judgements formed. and, totally agree with Shenitha's comments. even if men are highly educated, their growing environment has embedded some deep seated principles which should not be changed and they never really sit and reflect if they are right or wrong or humiliating for someone else.

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  9. Great interpretation dear.. !! Loved reading your viewpoints..
    I never hated this video and couldnt understand why there is so much boo-ing of this simple one.. Deepika had a commendable job and what all others look at it is just the glamorous and the sexual part..!!

    In some way our mind is caged bcz we can expect a glam doll to represent us.. why!! we could be anyone a girl next door or a sexy chic!! #Mychoice

    Way to go girll. :)

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  10. I can't thank you enough for writing this. I was trying hard to figure out the points, which are exactly what I was thinking about for a long time, and express it rationally. Take a bow for elucidating the thought behind this video. I hope a lot of people would rethink about it and would clear their vision. Totally loved your writing. Cheers!

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  11. First of all, a very beautiful and mature interpretation of the video! Coming to the video itself, I neither loved it nor hated it. Somehow, I was not as moved by it as others have. I also thought that it is yet another viral video that people will share on social media and continue living their lives with the same prejudices and narrow mindedness. Guess am in a cynical phase these days...

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  12. Thank you ladies, your comments mean a lot to me... While doing this post I was afraid of cooking up a nasty storm but am glad the time's now passed :) And kudos to us all for taking a mature view of the matter and like Krupa (MissKay LN) mentioned there was poetic license that needed to be given the benefit of doubt...
    I seriously love you guys for speaking up and commenting on posts like these that are not beauty related but are more concerned with women's empowerment and equality! Mmmuuaaahhhh ♥

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  13. Excellent post! Loved every bit! I think majority of the people, including girls really just took the " sex outside marriage " sentence in a bad way ignoring the whole meaning of video. It does need a lot of replay's to understand it. Beautiful! :)

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