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Coffee Breaks With ISLM: BFF - Best friend forever or Brutal Force Field?



BFF: Best friend forever or Brutal Force Field?

Guest Post By: Priyanka

We all have had numerous best friends or the horribly babyish “besties” throughout our life. These friends were generally the people who understood us perfectly, conversation was never stilted with them and they were always there to have our back. But what about the give ‘n’ take that all relationships in modern times are about? What are the meager expectations that a best friend has for you? This is one question that I was always left floundering trying to answer.
I never quite put too much thought into it but after my college graduation I suddenly decided to introspect. Why is it that I had many more good friends in school, as opposed to college? From school I can happily say that I have more than 7-8 friends who will always be there for me no matter what the situation is and how I may be stuck with no way out. But in college I just managed to get 2 very good friends who have now shared so many incredible moments with me that I can’t quite imagine life without them. I know, of course, that we can’t always stay together but no matter where we may be I am certain that we’ll keep in touch and be there for each other.


Why did the number dwindle so astronomically and why do I have a much better compatibility score with my college friends? Simple! It’s all about maturity and space! In school we were always so into our little friend groups and cliques that we felt the need to glomp on to each other no matter what the situation was. I had plenty of co-dependent self proclaimed BFFs in school who were so clingy that after the initial months with them, I just had to shake them off one way or another. Which was an obviously messy man-oeuvre that almost always made me look like the bad guy but at-least I was free of the little leeches! :p
Now I’ll proceed to act like I have a sorted life and know all about friendships. :p
Actually just partly! The following tips are things that I have learnt the hard way. Through trials and tribulations I have managed to come to the conclusion that the following are generally the best way to make and most importantly, keep mature close friends:
1.     Don’t gossip about friends
This should be obvious but isn’t always so. Women are by nature a tad too gossipy and end up spilling out secrets of one friend to another. Refrain from gossiping about your friends and you will be a much happier person!

2.    Learn to sight a user from a distance
Do you have that one friend who miraculously appears when you are treating your friend group? Another who only pops by when she wants to go clubbing for free? Or yet another who “borrows” money but never thinks about giving it back?
All these are clingers or leeches that are quite frankly just using you for all you’re worth. Learn to differentiate between a friend in need and a user! This will make you much less susceptible to being used.

3.    Be close but respect each other’s space
Valentine’s Day may be our thing but if I spend it with someone else this isn’t a personal slight! It’s just life running its course.
Friends who are too caught up in “our things” are generally the people who glomp on to you with their tentacles and make you feel stifled. Celebrating an occasion is fun but don’t get unnecessarily tangled up by calling it “our thing”, it sounds distinctly immature and you might regret it later like I did! :p

4.    Learn to become friends with their partners but don’t be too friendly
This is a tricky situation that should be handled delicately. Be friends with your friends’ partners but draw a line in the sand and let them know that you will always be your original friend’s friend first and only then theirs. Complicated little sentence, eh? Read it again! :p
It’ll keep all potentially messy situations to a minimum and I have learnt this the hard way too!

5.    Be honest
Sugar coating things may be appreciated in certain situations but stick to unencumbered honesty, for the most part. People who are brutally honest generally are considered, and quite frankly are, the most trustworthy people around. I’d much rather prefer it if my friend lets me know that I look a moron in my new neon skater dress instead of being stared at like a crazy person by the general public. :p

Let me know if you have learnt certain life lessons about friendship in the comments below!


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