Friday, April 11, 2014

Coffee Breaks With ISLM: Accept Yourself, Love The Way You Are

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 Don't Try To Be Someone You Are Not!


Every time I hear statements like these, read them on book covers and come across people preaching these sentiments, I want to puke. I find them to be utter nonsense and do not support these notions... Of course I know this could whip up a storm and a HUGE controversy, but then just hear me out before you decide to write something scathing in the comments section below...


I find "Accepting Myself/Yourself" a little regressive. I mean why would I want to stop wanting to make myself something I feel would be a better version of me?
Of course when I say better, it isn't something "better" as the society perceives it to be, it is something that I personally feel is better for me... It could be better because it makes me happy, it could be better cause it gives me confidence and honestly, it could be better because it makes me more attractive to the opposite sex!
It could be anything from losing weight to wearing makeup to taking a sabbatical from my job for a year to travel the world to not having kids before I am 30. I mean really, if I want to be something different, if I want to change myself, if I want to do something that isn't perceived normal by the society, it really shouldn't be anyone's problem!

I am obsessed about my weight! I know I am and I drive people nuts around me because of it. I have had people often tell me that such obsession with myself isn't healthy, wanting to be skinny like I was during my teens isn't normal and that women my age look better with some fat on my bones and better still that God has made me like this and I should not strive to ape a celebrity cause I am a normal girl...

Huh?

I mean really, isn't it my choice about the kind of weight I want my body to be carrying around? I want to be a certain weight and I am able to achieve it, then what's it to the world?
And you know what bugs me the most? "You don't have to be thin, curves are in"... To which I always want to retort, "darling, the latest is, curves are in but fat is NOT"...




I am obsessed about makeup. And I love wearing makeup anywhere and everywhere... And yes there are times when I am not wearing appropriate makeup at work. I do sometimes flounce the societal norms and sport fuchsia lips to office or don a heavy smokey eye for a late evening meeting... It sure gets the gossip mills working and people judging... Everyone seems to have an opinion on it. From "Oh God what does she think of herself" to "She is trying to hide her natural looks" to "She needs makeup because she has thin lips and small eyes", I have heard it all :) And worst of the lot is "Oh my God what a sl*t she is, she is married and she still wants to attract attention of other guys with her makeup"... Errrrmmmm...

Really?

Well my office policies have nothing against any employee's makeup, so what could be winding people up in the wrong way here? And I wear makeup not because I am trying to hide myself, I wear makeup because I personally love to wear it and even if it makes me look different from what I naturally look, whats the harm? I don't always want to accept myself, I sometimes want to look like someone else!

I know there are cases reported where young women have had nervous breakdowns, are under depression for not being able to "live up to" society's ideas of beauty or young teens  suffering from eating disorders like anorexia or bulimia... But the solution is not to tell them to Accept Themselves. The solution is to let them know, its alright for them to try and be like a certain someone but to do it the healthy way and keeping their goals in the right perspective...

The idea is to keep striving to be what you want to be and not being content with what you are born with... But yes, to achieve it the right way, not getting carried away with it and letting it take over your life...

Keeping things in perspective is the solution, "Accept yourself the way God has made you" is NOT!

Dream it... Wish it... Do it... Don't settle!

 

10 comments :

  1. wow. that;s intense.. But I agree.. I have had tons of people tell me, " you are so thin, why are you complaining about weight gain?" Hello! I am a dancer and I need my stamina and flexibility and if I lose weight trying to gain that, then so be it.. Same thing with makeup. it took a long time for my parents to come to terms that I love makeup so much that I write about it.. But they are actually pretty ok with it now and tease me about it.. What I want to be, is my dream to achieve, not society's to ruin.

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    1. Oh my! I am overwhelmed with you comment darling... I expected people to be bashing me right left and center but I am pleasantly surprised that you side with me here :)
      WHat really bugs me is you know how people want us to accept what we have/are and just be content with it... Its just so regressive!

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    2. ironically that's how it is believed we can grow as a person, by accepting what is given to us. That's not what I want. i want more.
      http://imemyself-krupa.blogspot.in/2013/09/lamentations-of-27-year-old.html

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  2. Suma this post touched a chord- just because we love makeup and write about it doesn't make us desperate brain-dead bimbos. But that is how most of the world seems to think. I mean we have the full right to be happy the way we want to, even if it means trying to be better versions of ourselves as long as it doesn't pose any physical, financial or emotional risk to us and our near and dear ones. Why should we settle for something less than what we deserve and can easily be? I think people should just learn to live and let live without being preachy and judgmental.

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  3. Hi Suma ,

    I agree 'accept yourself' does sound harsh .. in the sense its as if we(or our life) is lacking something and we need to adjust/accept to it anyhow/somehow . I feel 'accept yourself' has negative connotation attached to it in some way . Its like we are forcing ourselves to accept/embrace something in us , or in our life we actually don't approve of ! Right ? I feel we should do things we can justify to ourselves , that is sufficient . And yes , if we want some change in ourselves/our life then we should show courage to bring it .
    I am writing on your blog after long long time. Hope you didn't forget me :)

    Love
    Preeti(Pune)

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  4. Hi, On your blog after so long.. It is all about being who you are and doing what you..Never be afraid to express your individuality..

    love
    http://www.meghasarin.com

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  5. I agree with parts of what you say. But the term ''Accepting Yourself'' means part of us which we are okay with or cannot change like our ethnicity, body shape etc. Am all for growing each day as a person. You want to be skinny, there is nothing wrong with that. Go ahead and achieve it. Its all about accepting each aspect of ourselves and changing and growing each day! I hope I didn't say too much. Just wanted to express this :)

    simplebeautyindia.blogspot.in

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  6. I Agree with you , I am really skinny, like a size 0/ XXS and I have seriously lost count at how many times I have been told this ''meat on bones'' thing, What's wrong with people? They want people to accept themselves but then they hate on skinny/thin girls and attack them , hey, skinny,fat or curvy, everyone should be respected the same and it is none of their buisness to judge somebody because of what makeup they wear.

    all this things you wrote about are so true,. Even if I wear a lil bit of eyeliner to work , there are this certain people objecting to it ,I Mean who are they to judge my life, my decisions, I will go bald and wear huge earrings, it is none of your buisness.

    And really bad at how they can call you something so derogatory, they are the ones who are cheap.

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